I think it's safe to say that these past 18 months have been the most tumultuous of my life. SO many changes, SO many unexpected twists and turns, SO many shifts in perspective. So many blessings and yet so many hardships. But I'm feeling really good this week, so it's easier to think about it all.
What is it they say when you're little when you complain that something is not fair?
Oh yeah: "LIFE is not fair." (Thanks for that one, Dad.)
And it's really not. If you think it should be, you're painfully mistaken. I see it a lot these days through the eyes of my 2-year-old daughter, when I make her do something that really isn't fair, or that really doesn't line up with everything she knows -- but she has to do it anyway, because I said so; for her safety, or because it's an exception to the rule, or because let's be honest, I'm the boss and "I know we allowed you to do that earlier but I'm tired of you doing that now so please cut it out for the love of all things holy." And I love my children, but I am their parent and not their friend; so as parents, we get to call the shots as best as we see fit to raise them beautifully while maintaining our sanity.
For this very reason I will hug my children and give them a big kiss and tell them I'm proud of them anyway when they don't win first prize or get a trophy; but I won't go demand that they get one anyway, because it's only fair, and their little feelings might get hurt.
That's life, kid. I love you, let's go snuggle up and read your favorite book, try harder next time, tomorrow's a new day.
Because let's talk about fair, shall we? Is it fair when we work really hard and still don't seem to get ahead? Is it fair when we see unfortunate things happen to people or things we care about by factors beyond our control? Is it fair when the internet goes out for a few days, and the Comcast rep on the phone is a total jerk? Is it fair when bad, sad or otherwise unpleasant things happen to good people, hard workers, valued members of society?
It's not. Le' duh.
But let's think about that for a minute. A few years back, I heard this sentiment: "You cannot control what happens, but you can control your reaction to it."
That little line quite literally changed the way I respond to problems and frustrations. And now? It's a little self-righteous, but I get very frustrated when people rely on deflection and blaming others when this "bad stuff" happens. Take 5 minutes to be pissed off at the unfairness at it all, or a day if you need it, then gather yourself and move on. Take some responsibility, make a plan, change your attitude and get to work. I am not the prime example of doing this, but it is something I try to keep in the back of my mind when I feel myself getting emotional and troubled.
You don't have to attend every battle you're invited to. (<--- Also a favorite line. Cheese much?) Yes, some fights are worth fighting, but not all of them. Because if you cry foul at every turn, how will "they" know to listen when you have a true problem that needs careful, concerned attention?
Nathan and I had an extremely enjoyable evening last Friday. We were exhausted from preparing to throw a yard sale the next morning, and got ourselves and the kids into pajamas early. Georgia and Ryland were so sweet and playful and funny, we were all laughing and chatting; and after they fell asleep, we watched a good movie in bed ourselves. Afterwards, we laid there in the dark for awhile, pillow-talking about how wonderful of a night we'd had. How the extreme toughness and sheer physical exhaustion of the last year seemed to be waning. How we were so lucky to be having these happy, relatively easy times at home. And we've revisited that thought a few times since then - we're trying to remain thankful and in-the-moment, because who knows what curveball will come our way next and throw us off our game.
And you know what? That's what matters. The good stuff. Pardon my French, but shit happens - it's inevitable, whether you've set yourself up for it or not. It's been a really, really tough 18 months, and if I had the ability, I would change a lot of it. *Obviously*, I think I know what would be best (don't we all?) but unfortunately, I don't always get to make those decisions. Working mamas of little ones, all I can tell you is - when things get crazy tough, whether it be at work or at home, hang in there and keep pushing through the sludge.
There IS light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet.
(Please remind me of that during my next breakdown.)
No comments:
Post a Comment