in pursuit of the work/life balance

A few weeks ago, a blogger whom I've really come to admire, Abby Glassenberg, posed a question on Twitter about the concept of having a work/life balance. It really struck a chord with me - this is something I struggle with on a daily basis, and when it was suggested that a few folks co-blog about the topic, I knew I wanted in. Today, several of us are posting about what work/life balance means to us. Here is my take, and following my post below are links to the rest of the crew. Stop by their blogs and see what they have to to say!

First, a little background on my work life. I work full-time in craft magazine publishing, in a fairly small satellite office of a large, international multimedia company. In many ways, it's really a perfect situation - the family-oriented feel of our local office means working with people I love, lots of flexibility and getting to go to a place I genuinely care about every day. But on top of that, the work we do is far-reaching, bigger in a lot of ways than I think many people would assume come out of a little place in North Alabama, which is just pretty cool. Furthermore, I do work that I am very passionate about - we all are. More on that later.

So, additionally, I do a lot of independent work - in the past, I've run a busy freelance graphics and web design business, operated a few little Etsy shops and at one time, I blogged a lot. Today, my biggest independent work is as an author. I've recently signed my first craft book deal and I'm in the trenches of meeting my first deadline. This means that nearly every night after the kids are in bed, I head to my craft room and hide out for a few hours until exhaustion and back pain take over; and I think this is simply the way my life will be until the first part of next year. My husband has been warned (poor thing).

In many ways, my full-time job is a dream. I know a lot of people would see it that way, and for the most part, they're right. Spending all day, every day, entrenched in creativity and the handmade and craft publishing...wow! I'll be honest, it is cool. But I'll also be honest in that at times, it's super bittersweet. I have had a couple jobs that were not at all in the craft industry, and I felt like I was exploding with unspent creativity; so I was dying for free time to create. But now that I work in it every day, it's different; I often feel like I've spent so much of my creative energy at work, that I've used up all my good ideas and excitement so that by the time I have a few minutes of craft time at home to do my own projects? I'm over it.

For the last few years, nearly all of the craft projects I've completed have been for work purposes; and I have so many things I want to do for myself, but when I go to sit down and do it on the weekends, laying on the floor sounds more appealing because that part of my brain is just DONE. So that? That means my waking hours at home are spent chasing my tail between kids and housework and my marriage, and I often have to snap myself out of feeling resentful of the idea that I "never have time to do MY things." My husband has heard that a thousand times.

But the truth is that I DO have the time - I just don't have the drive, and that's a rough reality. It's a double-edged sword, working for your passion, but working for someone else - because at the end of the day, it really is someone else's project, not yours. I cherish and am proud of the ownership I feel with projects I work on, and I know it really does make them better; but I also miss out, by draining so much of myself for something that I don't actually own. It's like fostering a dog - I have learned not to let myself get too close, because he's not really mine to begin with.

Hence why I am so much in love with my current book project - it's going to kill me, maybe, but when I'm done? That's MY name going on the front, and it's MY book, and nobody can take that away from me. This sounds a little backwards and crazy, but I've realized that, essentially, I'm destroying my work/life balance to take back my work into my life. 

And the bonus is this: since I started this insane schedule, I actually feel I've developed a much healthier balance with my day job. The passion is still there - but it's balanced, because I've got a forced outlet for my pent-up creative energy (those book deadlines are coming strong and steady, whether I'm ready or not). It's something I look forward to every day, and it makes me so much less emotional when things don't go right at my "real job." Someone recently brought up the fact that I have two very young children and a busy job, and like, what, was I just completely crazy for taking on a book, too? I responded that I must just be a glutton for self-punishment, but that honestly? Right now, I don't feel like I'm going the wrong direction.

Balance be damned. For the first time in a long time, I feel pretty excited about both my day job and my own work - and that's an awesome feeling.