losing weight

Some of you know that I am trying very hard to get healthier and lose weight. You know how they say hindsight is 20/20? That is so true. I was looking at our wedding pictures this morning because I'm thinking about ordering a bunch of plain 4x6 prints to put in an album. Now, don't get me wrong -- I absolutely adore our wedding pictures, and I wouldn't change anything about that day. But looking back, I really dislike the way I look in them. In some of them, not all, but in some, I feel like it is me inside someone else's body. I hesitate to post about this at all, because I don't want to seem like I "hate" my body -- I don't; and I am a firm believer in loving what you've got. But I'm so disappointed in myself for *getting* to that point, and for it taking so long to realize how unhealthy I was.

However -- I also believe two things:
1. You are the only person who can change yourself. If you cheat on whatever weight loss track you choose to go, you are only cheating yourself. If you try to gauge your progress on someone else's scale, you will inevitably suffer the consequences of trying to live up to someone else's standards.
2. You have to do it when and how it's right for you. For me, it was after Nathan and I got married and got settled, because it really marked the beginning of my new, "grown-up" independent life. I was working fulltime, out of my parents' house, out of a college living situation, living my own schedule, etcetera etcetera. I was in complete control of my life for the first time. Not that I wasn't in the past -- but I felt like I had literally marked the beginning of the rest of my life as an independent adult.

Anyway, I started focusing on shaping up my habits in August last year. A lot of people have asked lately, "What are you doing?" And really, all I'm doing is counting my calories (using a website that does it for me) and paying attention to what I'm putting in my body. It sucked, getting started. I skipped Thanksgiving through New Years Day. It sucked getting started again a few weeks ago. It is very slow-going, and the weight doesn't "fall off" like, of course, we all wish it would...let's be honest! But at the risk of sounding like a commercial, you really have to find what works for you and then make a commitment. For me, if I weren't nuts about it, I couldn't keep up with it. But my thought is, if nothing else, I'm making new habits for myself that, hopefully, will last a long time...even when I decide I'm over counting calories and watching everything I eat.

I also decided, with Nathan's help (having lost about 50 pounds in the previous year on diet and exercise alone) I wasn't going to do anything crazy or too life-altering. I started by noticing what I was eating, controlling my snacking, controlling my portions. I didn't and still don't count calories on the weekends. It's not something I really do on purpose, as in, "I'm going to do whatever I want on the weekends," but I've just found that it's too hard to worry about it those days! I pretty much eat what I want -- it's the portion size that matters. Planning for nights when I know we're going out to eat. Not buying food we feel guilty about eating -- at least ready-made stuff like Snickers ice cream or tons of junk food.

Then, on a forum I read, I saw someone recommend a website called Sparkpeople. I signed up. It was free, what's not to lose? I started stumbling around the site, trying to figure it out and make it work for me. Essentially, the features I began using regularly are the daily nutrition tracker (a calorie/nutrient counter) and the community features (little "clubs" for people with common interests.) I still use them today. I still want to lose about 20 or 25 more pounds. But I'm SO much happier with my body than I was on my honeymoon last summer.

Now....I'm less than a pound away from hitting 20 pounds lost. HOORAY!

Anyway, it's not always fun. Or ever fun, for that matter. But it's not always hard, either. Sometimes I'll go through a week without feeling super hungry at all. My habits have really changed and it feels good to step on the scale and see the number drop by just a few ounces. And what I did/do won't work for everyone. But I wanted to get it out there, what I'm doing and what I'm using to do it. I can count on one hand the times I've exercised in the last year...sad but true! I'm getting a little better -- walking, trying the couch to 5k plan off and on, doing yoga/pilates videos while Nathan is out of the house...I know he would just walk through and laugh at me. ;)

So, just thought I'd post about this because it's a big part of what's going on with me right now and I am ecstatic that friends and family seem to be noticing, finally!! That is the best reward of all! If anyone wants commiseration, I'm here for you..